The Reluctant Caller

As is becoming traditional around these parts, I would now like to share with you another non-winning Ad Hoc flash fiction entry for your enjoyment, or otherwise. Maybe one day…

*

Lucas stood in front of the imposing front door. He couldn’t reach the doorbell so he tapped, lightly on the surface, hoping that nobody would answer.

“What do you want?” The woman demanded. Her slate-grey eyes bored into him like pencil leads.

“Err.. I’m selling cookies, for the Cub Scouts?”

Her purple-coloured lips pursed together in annoyance. “Not today thank you.” She began turning away, closing the door.

“But, Mrs. Hasselbach!”

“Yes?” She seemed surprised that he knew her name.

“My Mom said you would buy some!”

She stopped and studied Lucas for a moment. “You must be Angie’s boy. What’s your name?”

“Lucas.”

“And how many boxes do you have there, Lucas?”

Lucas looked down into his wheeled cart and counted quickly. “Twelve. I think.”

“I’ll take the lot.” Her grey eyes shone like two polished ball-bearings as she handed Lucas a thick wedge of green notes and smiled.

Ā© Rebecca Field

Photo courtesy of pixabay.com

 

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10 thoughts on “The Reluctant Caller

  1. I really like this – took me back to being a scared ten year old in any number of circumstances! If I could be so bold as to make a suggestion I would remove the name “Lucas” from the line “She stopped and studied Lucas for a moment” and just use “him”. It conflicts with the idea that she doesn’t know him and it would make more sense to only reveal his name when he offers it.

    I liked the quality of the writing in the piece that won this week but I’d be lying if I said I actually understood the story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Nik, good point, I hadn’t thought of that.
      Yes, it’s not a bad winner I suppose! I’m particularly upset that my entry this week hasn’t been listed, I think it’s because my interpretation of the prompt word must have been disallowed. First time that’s happened!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was going to ask you about that – didn’t see you on the list of submissions earlier which surprised me. I sense the novelty of this is going to wear off for me soon – not feeling very inspired this week I have to say. Was planning on writing a story to submit to Firewords and so far my word count remains somewhere between -1 and 1 šŸ˜¦ If I could just give up work, parenting, running…!

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        1. Yes I’ve been pondering the light and dark theme but not come up with anything..
          The novelty did wear off for me for a while too, this may be the final insult; surely Scalextric should be allowed??!

          Liked by 1 person

        2. Absolutely it should be allowed! That’s a really clever way to use the word I reckon! Did you manage to get anything together for Firewords in the end? I has a piece mostly finished but was a little unsure about it for a few reasons and held off to give it an edit. Have got three finished stories lurking now that need a bit of a polish and then hopefully I can find them a home. Might take you up on your kind offer of guinea-pig-reader if I can learn to love them šŸ™‚

          Hacked together a piece for adhoc tonight. Probably the worst one I’ve submitted so I’m a dead cert to win it haha

          Liked by 1 person

        3. Thanks Nik, that’s what I thought! Maybe it was a brand name thing? Happily, I made it into a 1000 word story that I would like to submit somewhere, just not sure where… Would love to read any of your stories- do you have my email address?
          I also cobbled together something this afternoon for Ad Hoc then noticed a glaring error as soon as I had done so. Possibly not a winning entry… Not sure if I found your entry this week, there were too many about people weighing themselves!

          Liked by 1 person

        4. Hehe. No references to weighing myself in mine as far as I can recall. I have to confess I haven’t read any entries this week – it’s been a bit hectic. Great to hear you’ve got another longer piece finished šŸ™‚

          Don’t have your email address but if you don’t want to share in comments send me a message via the contact form on my blog – it’ll send a mail to me and I can reply to your address from there. Technology huh!

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